Behaviour Matters

Archive for March, 2012

Motivation and self belief

Morning all, this blog is a request, but still just my and my thoughts.

Where does motivation come from. For me it’s the belief in what I do that keeps me motivated and a promise I made to a very special person. Can’t break a promise now can I. For some people their motivation is the expectations of others or their family, for some it’s simply the need to succeed. So what ever your motivation you must follow it, you may not recognise what motivates you, but that does not mean you should give up.

As for self belief, I feel that few people have self belief, but they are able to soak up the belief of others. I personally doubt myself every day, but again the promise I made carries me on as other people have belief in me, including Theo Paphitis (selfless plug lol) and if others believe in me maybe I can do this. So don’t worry if you don’t believe in your self or your abilities, just listen to others and keep trying.

Yes I did say I have little self belief, and can be quite defeatist in many things business. Leaving my comfort zone is scary, but it has to be done if I am to succeed.

So the message I want to leave you with is keep trying find your motivation and never forget it, don’t listen to the voices of doubt in your own head but listen to the voice of belief others tell you.

Thanks for reading 🙂


mixed emotions

Morning all

There are times in life, and especially as a small business owner that your emotions get all mixed up.  As regular reader will know I say follow your heart when you have a difficult decision to make, but today in light of a difficult decision I have to follow my head.  Is this the right decision? only time will tell, but faced with the choices I have and the opportunities for the future and the needs of others, today it’s a head decision. 

I am off to the biggest networking event I have ever been to, and have the opportunity to meet some wonderful, amazing and inspiring people.  This i need to do for my company to continue to grow and develop which will benefit people with disabilities across the country.  If I don’t go my company will still grow, but it will take longer and the battle will be uphill.  My alternative is to support my friend during one of her most traumatic days, but she know what the event will do for me and would not forgive me if I did not attend.  So to her I will be there supporting her in spirit while networking with the rich and famous.

Good luck my friend 🙂

friends and acquaintances

Hello everyone

A little bit late again, but had things to do this morning.

As a child you meet a lot of people and usually have a best friend, this may change daily for a while but usually you build a strong friendship that can last for years, some children have friendships that only last through out school.  Either way it is normal and not uncommon.  Some friendships may be with other children, animals or imaginary beings, again this is normal and in my opinion should not be discouraged.  (Although I did read an article recently that suggested children should be discouraged from having one best friend and encouraged to have lots of friends).

In my life, and possible in your life too, we meet a lot of people, many of who we refer to as friends.  Now living in Hull I have many friends back in Newcastle, friends from school, and friends on face book and twitter who I have never met, and possibly never will meet, but still class them as friends.  In Hull I have worked with many people and have made some friends here too.  In business I have friends who I talk to and meet up with for coffee or lunch.  So all in all I consider myself to be quite a sociable person.  This morning I was talking about socialising, and although I never feel comfortable in large groups being sociable, I apparently don’t come across that way.  I have an important event to attend tomorrow and as long as I don’t think about it too much I’m OK, but if i concentrate on the immensity of it I get quite scared. Possibly this is more about fear of the unknown though, but I am scared I will become a ‘wall flower’. 

But all of that aside, I wanted to talk about the friends and acquaintances today and the differences.  Although many of the people referred to above are still classed as my friends and are important to me in that role there are a few other people who come into your life, for no apparent reason, they seem just like any other person any other friend, then, BANG, before you know it they are so close to you that you cannot imagine them not being there.  You know you can trust them with anything and that they will go the extra 10,000 miles for you.  I am lucky enough to have a small number of friends like this, and hope you are too.

And so friends, thanks for reading. 


morning all

Sorry I’m a bit late today

My topic to day is about secrets, as you can tell from the title.  Some secrets are skeletons in our closets, only to be let out on very rare occasions and only then to people we trust 100%. (I have some of these) .  There are the secrets that only you know, and will never share no matter what, you know the ones that bring a wry smile to your lips or a twinkle to your eye. (we all have those)  Other secrets can be short term and exciting, that soon the whole world will know about.  (I have two of these) then there are the secrets that we know we need to tell someone, but don’t know how, so we keep them locked away where they fester and grow into something much worse than they actually are.  inevitably these latter secrets aren’t always the big secret you think they are. 

So this may only be a short blog today, but i am sure many of your reading it will be aware of your secrets, hopefully you will have a smile or a twinkle, and if you you have a secret that is festering, let it out the result wont be as bad as you expect, and if it is at least its not festering any more.

Secrets can be good, but the ones that aren’t, share them.

Enjoy your day 🙂


Morning all

I was wondering what to write about this morning and started trying to think about something I have done recently that would be worth talking about and sharing.

Sharing is usually thought of as being a positive thing, sharing a bottle of wine, or sharing a bar of chocolate, but there are so many other times during a day that we share.  To get a little bit psychological here Abraham Maslow identified five stages of life that needed to be met before we could become well rounded balanced people able to meet all of our goals.  He called this self actualisation and where this may be seen by some as a point in which you are no longer reliant on other I see it as a point at which you are able to share your life and ambitions with others.  The previous 4 stages can also be met through sharing, sharing your food, your home.  Sharing you dreams allowing people to support you to find your dreams, making a difference in society.  Recognising the needs of others and helping them. 

Ultimately sharing is a communal activity, you cannot share anything by yourself, there needs to be at least one other person to receive your gift, but the butterfly effect will mean that your one gesture of sharing a glass of wine or a desire to, a ticket to an event, will enable you to reach self actualisation and the people you share with. 

As a side point, although I like Masow’s hierarchy as he calls it, i do disagree with the idea that to reach one stage you must complete all prior stages.  I have found that you can be at different stages in different areas of life at the same time, and it is also possible to move up and down the hierarchy as life throws problems your way. 

So today’s message is to share in other peoples good fortune and sorrow, and let them share in yours.


Thanks again for reading

the time to stop

Morning all

I recently updated my first aide certificate, a usual requirement in my role as school TA and carer.  It’s not the first and wont be the last.  Luckily I have never had to administer to anything more serious than cuts and bleeds with one incidence of choking.  But in the latest course we were told that there are only three reasons to stop 1. The patient recovers 2. Help arrives and 3. Your own safety is at risk.  We can apply the same standards to out own lives and our work lives (especially small enterprises and self employment) Last week a friend had to make the very difficult decision to stop fighting for a family member.  This decision has left her distraught and racked with guilt.  She has no reason to feel this way as she met all the criteria for number 3, her own sanity and health were at risk.  This was not her concern at the time and I can understand her need to continue to fight, but I wont dwell on it other than to say she is the strongest person I know she could have done no more than she did.  In a business it is also difficult to know when to stop fighting.   Is it when you have no money to continue, when you feel your work is not appreciated, when life gets in the way?  Many small businesses end because of these reasons, and I can honestly say I have come so close to them myself.  the only thing that kept me going some times was the self believe in what I do and my inherant stubbornness.  Last night to my complete amazement I got a massive boost from a total stranger, this morning the enormity of this recognition and achievement is beginning to sink in.  This person told me a few weeks ago to keep going as perseverance pays off. 

So when in a business sense do you stop?  1. When you are profitable, 2. When someone helps you or 3. When you think you cannot carry on any longer.  My answer would be never.  Keep fighting, never stop.  Another business friend made a similar point a few months ago, it it snot always those who shout loudest that win, but those who shout the longest. 

The message today is to keep fighting for what you believe in, never stop.  My friend has not stopped fighting, she is continuing to keep building memories, and ensuring some things are never forgotten.

Thanks for the inspiration.

Your latest Theo Paphitis small business winner 🙂

Me 😀


Determination, its a funny ting, sometime in life you can be so determined to make something happen, but it doesn’t, and the more you try the harder it gets, and other times you can be so focused that even the hardest things become so simple.  I can’t even start to explain this, but I woke up this morning determined to achieve something, reach a milestone, succeed at something I have previously failed at.  The problem with that is the more I try and fail the more despondent I will become.  Still going to try though.

Although I have been trying to achieve over the last few weeks, I feel like I’ve taken on too much and nothing is actually getting done.  So today I intend to prioritise.  Then something might be achieved and my determination paid off.  So I have three areas of life that need a positivity boost, OAG as always has to be first, so I will get all the last bits of information ready for the website, I cant promise it will up and running as I need to rely on others for that, which I always find difficult.  My home life, as any home owner will know tidying and cleaning is a never ending chore, but of late i have let it lapse due to other priorities, so my determination is to get back on top of it or at the very least one floor of the house.  The third are is a very private area, and as such it is difficult to discuss here, but I do have a determination to do more.  Sorry its cryptic, but some readers will know and understand.  I am not sure how I will do this, but I am determined to try.

So today I would like you all to set a goal and do your very best to achieve it, whether its getting more followers on twitter, making time for children, or sorting out the shed at the bottom of the garden, sometimes if you don’t make a determined effort to achieve it you never will, then it is too late.

Get going guys 🙂