Sorry I didn’t get a blog done yesterday, dont really have an excuse, just didn’t do one.
Today I realise again how my mind plays tricks with me when I am over tired. It’s been a while, but last night my paranoia returned; why is no one talking to me? What did they mean by that remark? Did I say something to upset him? These questions, inevitably in times of paranoia, lead to more questions and negative thoughts; they don’t really like me, just using me, he’s showing his real colours now, that remark was meant to hurt they don’t care. Then I go on the defensive or I get over protective, which makes things worse.
Time has shown me that although my paranoia seems real at the time, if i let go, rest (usually lots of good sleep) then I can think more clearly and the paranoia goes off to sulk in a corner of my mind. The questions might still be there, but the answers are more positive; no one is talking to me because I’m not talking to them, friendships and conversations are a two way street. The one remark, taken out of context is difficult to understand with out the visual and physical cues of verbal one on one conversation, so what I thought they meant may have been wrong. Benefit of the doubt time. Did I upset someone, I might have done but it was in all innocence, I’ll talk to them and explain.
The power of sleep is a wonderful thing. My parents told me never to go to bed angry, for me it is better that I do, especially if I’m over tired. Have a good sleep, then face the argument or problem with a clear head the next day. I am not a natural worrier, so when I find my self worrying I first consider my own state of mind, then I can see if I am right to worry and if I am i find a way to calm the worry. It works for me.
And now for a worry free day after a good nights sleep.