Sitting here this morning I began to think about the past few days of tweeting and meeting people, making telephone calls, emails and responses to tweets.
Yesterday I received an email from the university and immediately started to question my self and my ability to complete this degree. I felt like I am being summoned to the heads office like a child, as if I’m going to told off and be told that I cannot complete the course. So I am now very reluctant to go and will be on the defensive when I do go, as I know I must. Also during my tweeting last night and Sunday night one or two people made comment on my tweets, questioning what I had said. This again made me question what I am doing, can I really do this, why am I trying? I was getting quite upset by it and was planning a full on response, with statistics and solid arguments in my favour, and yet I let it go. Was this strength, knowing I am right and not needing to justify my self? Or was it weakness, why should I bother trying to explain my self, they wont listen any way? Either way I didn’t respond fully and felt really bad that people questioned me. (Although it was more of a correction than question) People should question me though, that’s what encourages me to learn more.
Any way this is what has led me to question my self this morning, and the answer is that I can do this, I am doing it right, well im doing it my way and that is right for me. But my confidence in my own ability of being a business woman is fading again. I know i need to make telephone calls but usually chicken out and use emails instead, but this isn’t the right way to get noticed. People call me and I am eager to meet them in person to discuss ideas, I have telephone numbers just waiting to be called to discuss ideas but seem unable to bring myself to do it, cold calling is not a strong point of mine, but I can’t afford to employ someone else to do it for me, and I also know that once I start I can do it and it isn’t as scary as I make it in my head.
This blog seems to ramble a bit, very mixed, not very focused. But that’s how I feel this morning. I need to get my head back into some sort of order and rebuild my confidence so that I can move forward.
Any way to end I’d just like you all to think about how your actions, however well intended, can affect the confidence of others.
PS jut to make me feel better,
1. I do know that flapping is referred to as stimming, but a lot of my followers on twitter may not know that, so I used the term flapping as it is more generically understood.
2. Cochlear implants do not work for every deaf person and so my analogy still stands.
3. I did not mistype stimming, it was auto correct.
4. I am entitled to my opinion on immigrants and jobs as much as the next person
5. If you dont like my opinions of sharing and equality then you are entitled to unfollow me, but that just shows your inflexibility of thought.
Sorry just needed to get that off my chest!